by Jane

Felony assault, for sure

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:34:36 GMT

This morning as I headed toward the master bath to zip through my pre-work beauty routine, I was assaulted by a horrific cloud of post-intestinal Indian Curry odor. My toenails curled and my shadow (PepperAnn) whimpered as we popped a quick 180 and ran for the safety of the hallway.. where we met up with the alledged source.

I said "Dude! Have you no mercy? THAT toxicity coming from the bathroom is exactly the reason some brilliant woman invented the vent fan. For the sake of keeping the paint on the walls, please use it!"

Notice I said please.

I think Homer started to apologize but caught himself and took the more traveled route. "I can't do anything right in your eyes, can I?"

Well, as long as he'd opened that door, I was about to mention the fact that he only poured me a measly little half glass of Diet Dew to lure me out of bed this morning, when he jumped in with "I even gave you all of the Dew this morning while I drank the ice tea that I planned to take to work instead."

"Um, hun-nee... there was a full 2-liter bottle in the door of the fridge and you can take those cold-brew tea bags to work and make yourself some ice tea in like, 5 minutes." I rebutted.

He looked like he was thinking and opened his mouth... but it was just a false alarm.

Case rests.

'IN YOUR EYES' shall be stricken from the record.

Title goes here... when I think of one

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 00:01:38 GMT

I rode my bike to work again today. I'm not saying that to brag, just to introduce you to the special kind of lazy that is Jane. The reason I rode my bike is because I could not pry myself out of bed at 6 o'clock this morning and drive Omega to practice - a 20 minute round trip. Noooo, instead I lounged in bed... but didn't sleep... for another hour and then got up and rode my dam bike for nearly an hour, to get to work... where I sat until eventually I rode another hour home. I'm really glad it's Friday. My laziness is starting to catch up with me.

Speaking of lazy, I've been doing very little with my spare time this week besides watching the Olympics. In true Armchair Olympian fashion, I have some observations to share about this week's games.

1. I might know the secret to all of Michael Phelps' success.

I think maybe he got his body from Pixar...

... how could he lose if he's part Mr.Incredible?

2. NBC, it would be so helpful if your could put subtitles on Bella Karolyi when he gets excited. I caught about every 5th word that he uttered last night. You might consider a seat belt as well.

3. Is anyone else getting a little bit sick of beach volleyball? Is that really the only choice night after night? Okay, at least they could do more MEN'S beach volleyball.

4. This one is a bit delicate and I probably shouldn't even bring it up for fear of getting nasty-grams from internet America, but since I can't help myself, I will. Do we really need to sit through 2 or 3 minutes of primetime while every gold medal winner stands on the platform and they play the national anthem? Frankly, the athletes look a bit uncomfortable with the international camera in their faces.

5. Does anyone know why the swimming medals are different from the gymnastics medals? The swimming medals look like they are half plastic while Nastia's looks like solid gold. Inquiring minds....

There's probably more but I'm out of time so send in YOUR questions and comments.

You all have a top notch weekend!

Peace... Love... Cheesecake!

Thoroughly Thursday

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:10:23 GMT

I wish I could think of something interesting to write about but it’s definitely been a slow news week at the Why’s.

Homer is having boat issues – still. This all stems from the big boat-mudding fiasco last fall. Who knew that forcing your boat through a 2’ deep inlet would burn up the engine? Not Homer. The engine was totally rebuilt but seems to have lost half of its horses. Every time the boat doctors try to fix it, they only make it worse. He has wisely chosen NOT to let his frustrations show around me because he knows that I am all too willing to pull out the dummy hat and place it squarely on his head – still.

Alpha is just playing the college-student –in-waiting. She’s excited and nervous, I think, but is ready to take on the campus. I think she is mostly excited to be away from the high school dress code police. She and her short-shorts are soooooo ready for ‘higher’ ed.

Omega has been busting cheers all week. They have 6am to noon practices every day. By the time she finishes her daily power tanning, and takes a nap, it’s time to call me at work and ask what we’re having for dinner and tell me about the many things I totally need to get done… for her. Okay, it’s seriously not as bad as my attitude and it might just be some sort of mom-issue. This morning at 5:45 when I heard her come into our room and wake Homer to tell him that he needed to move his truck so she could get out, I woke from my coma just enough to panic at the thought of my baby girl driving off on her own. It’s not even close to the first time, but in my drowsy state, it took me quite a while to convince myself that she isn’t 12 anymore.

Jane is 4 for 4 on bicycle commuting this week – 100 miles so far. See above paragraph for where my car is going. I made it to work in a record 45 minutes today! I am even proud to say that I transported a LINEN blouse to work and it doesn’t even look like I slept in it! I think I am getting darn good at this. Of course I am, now that I only have a week of it left. I think that once school starts on the 25^th, the roads will be too scary and the train too crowded, so here’s my plan: I am going to hitch a ride with Alpha in the morning, at *yawn* 7 a.m. and then ride my bike home at 4ish – before rush hour. At least for as long as the weather holds which could be Thanksgiving… or October. Then I expect I will just blow up like a blimp from lack of exercise.

I am also rather peeved to report that, here in Why-land, gas is still going for about $4.10 a gallon. This is a bit hard to understand because we have a huge refinery on the edge of town which is supplied via pipeline yet we are paying like $.30 a gallon more than most of the country. The state Guy-in-charge-of-gas says it’s the stations that are holding the prices up. Asses. If only we could fill our tanks via the internet. Besides the fact that I’ve cut my gas consumption by about half, I’m protesting by not buying ANYTHING but gas when I fill my tank. Okay, it doesn’t sound like much to you but it’s quite the sacrifice for ME! No soda… no gum – I always need gum – and NO PEANUT BUTTER M&M’s. Shoot me now.

um.... really.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:11:26 GMT

Boy when you all are right, you are right.

It had beend quite a few years since I watched Kim Possible

and I sure don't remember the rat but, yes indeedy, there it is...

coming out of his shirt?

Am I the only one who thinks this is WAY weird?

And, as long I'm in a questionish mood,

does anyone know why my Space colors have spontaneously changed?

Perhaps MSN judged my color scheme too offensive?

Yes, life could be worse...

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:26:20 GMT

I got this little gem from Jeankfl and I was so inspired by its message that

I didn't want to take the chance that any of you might have missed it.

I think it's good reminder for all of us.

This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat and is from Africa.

If you are having a bad day and

feeling sorry for yourself, remember:

You could look like a penis with buck teeth.

After reading Mailladay's comment, I began to wonder if maybe someone was pulling our legs or that this was something that bored teenagers dreamed up to make their parents look silly... so I googled.

Happy to say, it's true - naked mole-rats are fer real.

http://nationalzoo.si.edu/publications/zoogoer/2002/3/nakedmolerats.cfm

Here's another picture of the little darlings.

So, my next thought is OMG, can you imagine if you saw one of these running across your backyard???

Personally, I'd swear off the drink for quite a while.

Weak

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:55:41 GMT

Even though it's Friday, I am sunk in a greenish blue funk. It's been a week of mediocre proportions... some good, some not so good, overall... meh! For some ridiculous reason, I feel the urge to share the dullness.

The good: Old*Navy now sells tall clothes on their website. Yay! Not just pants and jeans but now shirts and sweaters. My heart still belongs to Eddie B, but sometime my wallet is more in lust with O.N.

The bad: I found a piece of my bedspread on the floor this morning... a piece that is no longer connected to the main piece. Further examination revealed a hole the size of my fist. Fingers all seem pointed toward the Princess but I will require DNA testing before I utter one harsh word toward her. I think I have actually found a way to blame the daughters. They tend to take over our bed after we leave in the morning - eating and drinking and watching Regis and Kelly with no regard for neatness. I suspect maybe someone spilled something. If you are even thinking of connecting this to the panty problem, Stop. Right. Now.

But good: I really want a new bedspread.

More bad: It is nearly impossible to buy a bedcover that is not a comforter these days. I have a dreamy down comforter that I use year-round but I like a thin, basic cotton bedspread to cover the whole works. Something I can throw in the washer every week to banish the pet hair and Cap'n Crunch.

Real bad: Our freezer, down in the laundry room, quit working for a couple of days - unbeknownst to anyone. It looks like the plug got bumped enough to cut off power, which was easy to fix but I think we will have to throw quite a bit of food. During the diagnostic process I discovered a totally torn/chewed up nest of cardboard box parts behind the freezer. The sample piece that I pulled out looks like it has dog bites in it but there is no way the dog could have fit back there. I am aware that this little oddity is a mere 6 feet from the dog door, and who knows what might've strolled in, but I haven't had the mental fortitude to pull the freezer out and investigate. Sometimes you just don't want to know.

Meh: The Olympics started today but I can't seem to get excited. Between all the bad press about China and the fact that Speedos now cover up all those manly swimmer chests, I am not feeling very inclined to watch. The news that it takes swimmers up to 20 minutes to insert themselves into one of those suits is good for the heart of any of us women who have ever worn a 'slim'suit.

Could go either way: Back in ND'Ota I bought a spectacular new purple tech tank to wear biking. The first day I wore it, I crashed. The second day I wore it, I got a flat tire half way home. Today is the third day. If it doesn't go well, I may have a new, purple paint rag by tomorrow. I knew exactly what I was doing when I selected it this morning. It was like I had this maniacal urge to spit in Karma's eye.

Other good: Alpha got her laptop (belated grad present) this week, meaning that there should be considerably more computer harmony at the Why house.

The bad: It's a lot nicer than mine...

Meh: We three girls got new cell phones. Tell me, is there any phone out there that is cute AND will last a teenager for 2 years? I have officially banned M0t0r0la phones from consideration. N0kias have been really durable, but too dullsville for the teeners so this year we will be test-driving Sam$ungs.

Bad: I got to work this morning only to find out that some a$$heads pushed one of our audiovisual carts into the deep end of a swimming pool. Did you know that a big tv will float but a dvd player, a boombox, a receiver and a cart will sink all the way to the bottom? Did I mention that they're a$$heads?

I guess I've dragged this out long enough. I better get on with the rest of my life.

I've visited lots of you today, but didn't have the energy to leave a comment.

Sorry, feel free to repay the favor.

Some days are diamonds... but not this one.

Face me, baby!

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:52:09 GMT

I stopped at the market this morning to pick up some lunch supplies... okay a donut, too and while waiting in line I couldn’t help but peek at the cover of People. After all, I had heard that the winning bids for mug shots of the Brangalina babies came in at about $14 million… dollars. Can you even believe it? Fourteen million. Wow!

Last I had heard, estimates for the chance to shoot the first pics of the twin Pittolies was $11 million, which I thought was remarkable. The fact that the money is going to charity makes it acceptable, I guess. What really made me curious enough to check out the magazine cover, is wondering what $14 million dollars worth of baby photos look like.

I guess I let my expectations get the best of me. I imagined something so… so… extraordinary, like… I don’t know… little mini-superstar faces with ear-to-ear toothy grins and Ralph Lauren designer Onesies, maybe? Not even. They look like plain, young unremarkable baby faces.

I know I’m going to catch some crap for this but frankly, babies are not the most physically attractive things the first month or two of life. I know, I know… yours was the exception. But really, these $7 million per face babies look pretty much like… babies. And while babies are sweet and loveable (most) and beautiful in an inner kind of way, they don’t start out as much to look at… especially if they don’t belong to you or your loved ones. Since I have no real connection with the Brangies, let alone love them enough to plop down $3.75 for their magazine, I’m back to thinking someone got a little carried away here.

On the other hand, if more Hollywood couples would get into the baby production/picture selling business, think of what it could do for the economy...

Back in the Saddle

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:17:13 GMT

Whew! I finally beat down my demons and made my first post-accident bike ride to work. It was supposed to happen yesterday but I had bad bike-karma dreams the night before and it wasn't hard to talk myself into driving. But then it only took the first 5 minutes of my commute home to remind me why I like to ride! Ugh, the traffic.

So this morning I ignored my inner paranoid person and sped off. I make that sound fairly breezy. It was not. My brain was in cahoots with various body parts which were reporting the odd ache, pain or instability... anything that might bring me to my senses and make me drive to work. It was actually my promise to Omega, that she could have my car, that got me going and I am so glad it did. It was one of my best rides ever because:

The sky was slightly overcast and the temperature below 80.
The construction detour had finally packed up and moved on so I could ride under the brand, spanking new bridge.
A cute old guy in a wheelchair outside the rehab center put his thumb out as I approached and we both had a laugh.
The lady with curlers in her hair putting her makeup on at the bus stop made me smile.
And the three guys sitting on the lawn sharing a doob took me WAY back to my college days. Hmm... wonder why that was.

Now I'm hoping my fortitude continues through the ride home. I would hate to have to stay here all night.

Inquiring minds

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:50:39 GMT

There was a story update on the news this morning about a man who caused severe injury to a child while building a 'homemade pipe bomb', which caused me to wonder:

Is there a pipe bomb store out there somewhere? Jeez, I hope not.

The second part of that question would be: What possesses a middle-aged man to try to build his own 'fireworks'? I'm all for hobbies but sometimes you only need to use a little tiny part of your brain to know that some ideas are not good ones.

Okay, I've already forgotten what my second questionable subject was about... I swear my head is getting much more permeable lately. Unfortunately, the flow seems to be outward. Probably justified since I had an empty-nest moment on Friday:

I called Alpha's cell phone and she answered with her bubbly 'Hi Mommy!'.

I started to say something and she interrupted with 'Oh! My! I am at the bookstore buying my college textbooks and I called you Mommy!'

Oh no, this can't be. The only other thing she calls me is MUH-THUR! As in 'oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-you-are-ruining-my-life'... which I seem to be doing increasingly less lately.

What will be my new name as the birth-giver of a now college student?

What if I'm too old to adjust and miss the opportunity to come running when she calls?

I picked up my bike on Saturday. They replaced the defective head piece and tuned it up. I was waiting for the day to cool down a bit before taking it for a testdrive, when Alpha asked to borrow it. She wanted to run some dinner to her B-lov-Ed who was working. Since I am all about promoting exercise and conserving fuel, I agreed. But then I had to go pick her up when she blew a tire half way home. By the time I got around to repairing it on Sunday, I noticed that the back tire had gone flat as well. I pulled that one and moved the front wheel out of my way only to discover that the front had gone flat AGAIN! I pulled out 4 goatheads in all, applied 4 patches and eyed that bike suspiciously all evening, expecting to see it riding the rims yet again.

I asked Alpha how she picked up so many thorns. She said that she had no idea because she always rides on the sidewalks.

The sidewalks?

She says 'Heck yes, you don't think I want to end up like you did?'

No, I expect not.

Because Whyville has been acting weatherishly like, oh, Death Valley lately, I picked up a kiddie pool for poor, overheated PepperAnn. Our previous dogs loved to slosh around on hot days. But not PepperAnn. When I put her in the pool, she stands there looking like she is expecting a jalepeno enema or something... until I feel so guilty that I tell her to run along. She will not go near it on her own EVEN FOR TEDDY*GRAHAMS!

Do you dog savvy people have any good advice on how to interest her? It would be so much nicer if she would cool off in the pool instead of under 3 inches of dirt in the shady flower beds.

P.S. - I really think it IS a pool problem because she willingly runs into creeks and lakes.

Ocho Cosas

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 22:14:30 GMT

Okay, Deb! Here are my eight things you tagged on me! I am so glad they didn't have to be 8 quirks... or 8 interesting things... just 8 things, right?

1. I seldom answer the front door. Friends use the back door. If someone rings the front bell they are probably selling something or trying to save my soul. I don't buy ANYTHING on my front porch and my soul is already under contract.

2. I don't buy or sign up for anything over the phone, either. I am a visual person. If Ed McMahon called me to tell me I had won a cool million, I would tell him that I'm not interested and hang up before he could stutter one syllable of congratulations!

3. I have had 5 rabbits, 4 cats, 3 dogs and numerous birds, fish and reptiles in my life, but I have NEVER been so totally crazed/obsessed with an animal like I am with PepperAnn. She is just the YUMMIEST thing ever and I don't even feel guilty because as I tell my family 'If you all worshipped me like she does, YOU'D get that much attention, too.' They would also move up my list if they demanded nothing more than a couple scoops of kibble every day.

4. I'm a pretty decent cook when I want to be. I don't like recipes with more than 8 or 10 ingredients... but then I'm known to add 2 or 11 more things of my own choosing. I'm kind of a cooking freestyler which usually works out well, but when Homer says 'This is great, I hope you make it again!' I know that will never happen.

5. I am a skeptical person. That is to say that I firmly believe you do not get something for nothing and I SO know that if I click to enter a drawing for a $100 H'depot gift card, I will have to change my email account 12 seconds later.

6. I have never really won anything of value. But I don't get much junk mail either.

7. On the other hand I consider myself an optomist. Not only is the glass half full but it's half full of tequila and that my friend is MORE than enough to make for a good time.

8. Although you wouldn't guess it from my blogs, I am not much of a drinker. Once a year, while chick-tripping, I go a little crazy and have like 2 or 3 glasses of wine at a time. Other than that, I really don't have time or the inclination for more than a 3.2 Mojito - ice cold! Unless Shupe twists my arm and makes me drag out the blender and the margarita parts. She's that girl your parents warned you about hanging out with!

Okay, I am going to tag every one of you that visits without leaving a comment...

remember, I can see you.

Ha! Is that not the cheapest bid for comments ever? Ah, you all know I love ya!

Good for me, bad for you

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:24:45 GMT

I have noticed a sad pattern to my blogging life - my blogs are better when my life is problematic. Happy Jane is quite the yawner, yes she is.

Too bad for you, life has been busy but good for me the last few weeks... well, except for that little asphalt macro-dermabrasion experiment. But that's all healing nicely and the people at the three-letter 'recreational equipment' store... incorporated... have agreed to replace the faulty part on my bicycle, thus preventing any more handlebar-gone-bad episodes.

I plan to be back on the road tomorrow, which is good for my family because I get all crotchety when I am not properly exhausted. Not to mention that I can feel my love handles overtaking my butt-cheeks in the battle for pants space - pushing me closer to the dreaded middle-aged squarepants look. And what is that stupid 'love handle' $hit? No one loves them and handle for what? I know you are going to say making*love but to me that seems like eating cheesecake in a pig barn... sorta sucks the yummy right out of it. NoDope - shush, you!

Also, just please tell me this: why is it that although current fashion leans very strongly toward NOT tucking in shirts, the people who do tuck are typically the ones who shouldn't? These people are the very reason that words like love handles, beer bellies and, yes I'm going to say it, camel toe, exist.

At one time I was thinking that maybe there should be some kind of a recommended yearly fashion checkup... to go along with the pap test or turn-and-cough thing... a place you could go and they would gently explain how best to rid yourself of those 80's chicken-bangs or your attachment to white crew socks. You're thinking about it, aren't you? I think we all know someone who could use a little fashion intervention. Of course this would really only be necessary for people who don't have teenagers at home because teens will look you over every 6 minutes while in public to make sure your uni-brow doesn't need tweezing or you don't have a little bat in the nose cave or *gasp* you aren't wearing black flipflops with navy shorts!

Wow! I guess if I try hard enough, I can always find something to be cranky about! That is so amazing! I feel worse already!

Lower lip stuck all the way out.

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:36:27 GMT

There once was a lady named Jane

Whose job became such a pain.

It got in the way

Of blogging all day

So sadly, she had to refrain.

clarification

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:32:35 GMT

Since one of my so-called-friends accused me of having a big gas cloud there by my derriere - on the injury road map I drew on my last blog, I would like to assure you that the combo cloud with the arrow is this:

NOT the burrito I had for lunch.

Keep in mind that the camera adds 10 pounds, but if you closely you can see the elastic from my bike shorts embedded in the bruise. Isnt' that a keeper?

And Deb? You'll notice I do still have my fingers. They were just clenched in pain on the picture.

I am itching to get back on my bike but might have to hold off a couple of days for other reasons. Probably for the best. Thanks for all your good wishes - I'm sure that's why I have bounced back so quickly.

Keeping with the purple theme but in a much prettier package, one of the water hyacinths in my water garden bloomed on Friday. They are floater plants and each plant blooms just once and only for about a day.

Lucky me, I happened to notice the beautiferous bloom!

Bitter

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:19:49 GMT

I've been sort of incapacitated the last few days because of a little biking accident I had. I wrote a nice blog about it that I felt reflected the events in a way that showed my dipshitity in a positive light, while also invoking your pity and laughishness at my poor, bruised self.

And then I tried to add a photo.

This photo:

But, alas, MSN said 'We are updating, go away and come back later. Oh, but you can't have your blog back, we are throwing it into our special giga-dump where we will recycle it into useless upgrades that will piss you off even more.'

And now I don't feel like talking anymore. Except to say that I have a new best friend - Tegaderm. It is a wonderful transparent dressing that you put on road rash that keeps it from drying out and scabbing. This stuff, ibuprofen and those analgesic pain patches are the new beneficiaries of my will.

Oh, and it is no longer a mystery to me what it would feel like to go head over handlebars onto asphalt... or pass out on the roadside. Can I also say that I am totally amazed by how strong the 'get up and pretend nothing happened' instinct is?

Really, though, I'm done talking.

Have a good weekend.

nospace

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:00:43 GMT

ispilledatinybitofmysouponemykeyboardwhileiwaseatingmylunch...

andwebsurfing...

oops...

nowmyshiftkeybringsupmyfavorites

andmyspacebarisnon-functional...

itisalsorainingandididn'tbringmyraincoat...iambikingittoday.

mycalendarsaysit'stuesdaybutitsurefeelslikeamonday.

I do knot know

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:32:13 GMT

I was cruising the world wide web the other day, looking for a nice, boring roof rack for the Jane-mobile, when I happened upon this special thing... sold on a Toyota*parts website:

It says:

"Junction Produce Kintuna Knot, made to compliment your Fusa, this traditional japanese knot is intertwined into an elegant design coming in at about 14 inch lenth. Include cuffs to mount to your windshield."

I somehow figured out that the gold thingy is the Kintuna Knot and the white thingy is the Fusa. This Kintuna Knot goes for $100, which would be quite a compliment for my Fusa... if I had a Fusa... if I knew what the chuck either one of these things were. I'm also a bit concerned about why it has to be 'cuffed' to your windshield.

Here is the amazing part: I asked Mr. Google and even he doesn't know. A search for Kintuna Knot brings up several places that you can buy this very same, exact thing... and Fusa is many things, none of which I could envision dangling from my rear view mirror.

Can any of you brilliant, hip people enlighten me?

Bonus points if you can tell me what is up with the neon yellow strips at the left, center of the picture.

I heart MN'Ota

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:52:29 GMT

I've been back in town almost a week and the laundry pile is larger than ever, my house looks like a flea market post-tornado and I am still 2 weeks behind at work, BUT in spite of the disaster that is my life, I'm going to get out my vacation pictures for you.

Uh, uh, you sit back down, I promise it will be painless. Lights, please!

And now, I give you the top 10 reasons that

I Minne*sota!

1. Take a deep breath. Smell that?

THAT is the real smell of fresh... with an occasional dead fish thrown in.

2. Like I said before, this is what the water looks like at the TOP of the Mississippi.

No, it is not cold, just clean. When you stand in water up to your neck, you can still see your feet. This is really handy when you drop your sunglasses into the lake several times.

3. If I were other than an incompetant photographer, I would show you pictures of the fantastic night skies up north. Did you even know that there are stars between the stars between the stars??? And northern lights? You forget about this stuff when you live in a big city with light pollution. Of course, you have to be quite the night owl to catch the show because in the summer it is only dark for like 6 minutes a night.

4. The cutest little Norwegian kids you ever saw, huh?

The one on the left has a swagger that tells you everything about his his personality. The one on the right is a dancer. Both are demonstrating, but you will have to supplement the still photos with your imagination.

5. The wildflowers. They are varied and prolific but I am mostly obsessed with these.

This is the state flower, the pink and white lady slipper. They are orchids that grow wild in the ditches around my parents' lake home. Be careful if you try to smuggle one home under your shirt, though, they have been known to harbor woodticks in their hollow Jay Leno chins. You will NOT find woodticks... or mosquitoes on this list anywhere.

6. The 4th of July boat parade. Four generations of fun.

And silliness...

and the opportunity to behave like this:

7. The pizza. I don't have a picture but there is a place called Duane's that sells pizza that is best described as an oral orgasm. I joke that I had to leave the state for fear Duane would give me thighs the size of Alabama... it's probably not that much of a joke.

8. The opportunity for random naps.

National Geographic does that to me.

9. Did I mention the scenery?

10. Ahem, I mean the scenery:

Captain Quirk!

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:00:56 GMT

It may just be some kind of cruel déjà vu but it seems like I was tagged for this 8 Quirks thing a while back. Were I not heaps of lazy today, I would go back and look. But then I would have to think of something else to complain about and well, I’m having such a good hair day (no helmet-head) and I’m sporting a cute new top, for which I have received several compliments so it would really be a shame to ruin the ego-buzz that I got going. That’ll happen soon enough, when I return to the neatness vacuum that is my home. Gah! Let me just say that it is beyond amazing how four people who spend so little time at home, can turn it into the major fuster cluck it has become. I think I may have to take and post pictures because perhaps I have something wrong with my brain… shush, you. Maybe I am only imagining the mess since no one else seems bothered by it. Oh, see, now I’m going to cry and my red eyes will detract from my cute hair and mascara soup will drip onto the jade linen…

D-e-e-p b-r-e-a-t-h-!

Oh - Kay! Eight quirks, Angerella says, so in no particular order… some may be old news:

I have no favorite movie, book, or tv show – some I like, some I don’t, most I forget within a week. Come to think of it, I don’t have many favorites of anything. I guess that would be too much like making a decision.
I have to drink water between bites of different foods. I can’t put potatoes in my mouth if there is still a little meat taste in there. No, foods can’t touch on my plate, either.
I’m not a people person. I’m pretty lame at making small talk and chatting up people. Probably because it’s so much work to keep my filters in place.
I am a total music moron. I know what songs I like on the radio but I can’t tell you what the titles are or who sings them. My oldest daughter is good to me… she keeps my iPod lined up with what I need.
I consider myself to be an underachiever. I feel guilty that I’ve never found a worthy use for the good brain God gave me.
I have no anterior cruciate ligaments. Blew out both ACL’s at different times doing dumb things. I don’t miss them enough to get new ones installed.
I can’t eat anything with goop on it – salad dressing, mayo, ketchup, mustard… I’m gagging just typing that out.
Hmm... one more. I guess I will have to go for the old standby - I can jiggle my eyeballs.

Good enough? Hope you learned something. Hope you have a great weekend. Hope YOU don't get tagged.

Peace * Love * Chocolate!

More than you asked for...

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:04:39 GMT

I only vaguely remember hearing about the murders committed by Charles Manson and his 'family' at the time they happened back in 1969. I was only 11 and I guess I didn't need to know about that kind of thing. Heck, I wish I didn't have to know about those kinds of things NOW but I guess there's something in the fine print of my Adult Card that says bad stuff can't be ignored. Sad that.

I think most of my memory of the Tate-LaBianca murders comes from reading the book Helter Skelter in my late teens. I remember thinking it was one of the scariest things I had ever read, the drugs, sex, cultish mind control and murder... all in a true story. The idea that that kind of thing really happened shook my sheltered brain. I was most fascinated/frightened by the cult aspect of it - that someone like Charles Manson could take fairly average people and cause them to do heinous things. Around that time Patty Hearst also went from kidnappee to bank robber, presumably by some kind of mental manipulation. It kind of messed with what had been pounded into MY brain - that you alone make your choices. I didn't think that those women, who chose to let Charles Manson act like he adored them, were choosing to commit murder. I think we've come to accept that people with low self-esteem are more likely to be influenced to make bad choices but I don't think they chose to have low self-esteem in the first place. Does a person have any control over how their self-esteem develops? I really am asking that question because I don’t know… seems like it’s pretty much based on outside influence.

Okay, so now that I have you totally confused by that, I'm trying to decide what I think about this whole 'Susan Atkins wants parole' thing. My first reaction was, of course, monetary. My outer bean counter said 'Let her go, it's cheaper to care for her outside of prison.' Which is a dumb response when you think about it because that mentality could be applied to all prisoners - let them out, it's too expensive to incarcerate them. Now there's a world I want to live in. So I read more about her circumstances and was caused to ponder a few things about our whole penal system.

What is the point of it? To simply punish people? Or do we hope to also rehabilitate them?

Do we think that the punishment will be enough to deter them from committing another crime?

Assuming that we would like convicted criminals to come out a better person since we offer all kinds of rehab and betterment programs in prison, then where does this new, improved person fit into our society? Do we still keep them in prison? Do we keep saying 'This is what you did and it should never be forgiven.'?

I'm not talking about Susan Atkins in particular. She's just what started this mental circus. I was reading about Patricia Krenwinkel, another Manson family member, who also committed one of the murders. She grew up with physical and social problems. She met Manson through her step-sister, joined the Family, and eventually committed a murder, allegedly on Manson's orders. I think odds are that if she had not met Charles Manson, she would never have done what she did. So, now she's been in prison 37 years. During that time she has acquired a college degree, she has a perfect prison record, teaches prisoners to read and is active in prison support groups. She is one of the few Family members who claims to be remorseful, but she has been denied parole 11 times. Are we really afraid of releasing a 61 year old woman who has improved herself greatly and followed every rule for 37 years? I, for one, can't say that about MY last 37 years and that may be an understatement.

Is there some point where we can say that someone has paid for their crime even if it's murder? If not, then why give people hope? Why offer parole hearings? Why offer counseling and other programs?

If there IS hope that murderers can be reformed, then why do we sentence people to life without parole? Or better yet, why do we murder murderers? THAT just seems all kinds of ironic; here, let me demonstrate what you did wrong... on you.

And why do we allow the emotional part of the parole process where the victim’s family stands up and says 'What about me? I'm still in pain every day.' Not to sound cold but really what does that change? If that's the case, they will be in pain every day no matter what happens to the criminal. Are we hoping to help the victim's family by endorsing retribution? And why do we treat high-profile cases like this one differently. Last week a guy walked down the street and killed two prostitutes... for no apparent reason. It will be interesting to see how his sentence compares to other cases. Will there be 20 outraged family members at his first parole hearing? Doubt it.

Okay, I know that there is a vast difference in crimes and criminals. I'm tempted to say that someone like Ted Bundy should never have been allowed out of prison. But then again, how do we know that next year they won't discover a 'cure' for whatever he had that made him do what he did? I know it's not likely but they do have drugs that they can give insane people to make them sane so they can put them on trial for what they did when they were insane...

Okay now I’m really messing myself up. I think I better go. Sorry it wasn’t funny today.

I wrote that yesterday mostly to get it off my chest, thinking I probably wouldn't publish it... I do that fairly often. But I'm still in an ornery mood today so have your way with it.

Amigo, cancel my nacho order!

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:08:20 GMT

While vacationing lakeside in lovely Minnesoda,

I couldn't help but notice that PepperAnn's Frito-foot smell had completely vanished!

No kidding!

She smelled like sunshine from nose to toes,

which I found a bit odd because it has been my experience that

humidity + water + dog = stinko.

I mean if someone says something smells like a wet dog,

it is NOT a compliment, am I right?

This really mystified me but

I was on vacation and not wanting to think a lot,

so I told myself that the native grasses

must contain some natural,

stink-defying properties.

I then busied myself with making a mental list

of everyone and everything

I would like to roll on that lawn.

Of course once I fired up the brain cells

and started the thinking process

it was only a matter of time

until I returned to that bothersome question:

WHY do dog feet smell like Fri-tos??

Yes, I know I'm a bit obsessed with this

but bear with me because we are almost to the scary part.

As I reached for another handful of corn chips,

I was suddenly hit with a more disturbing,

and possibly the real question:

OMG! What do they put in corn chips that makes them smell like DOG FEET?!?!

Custom List: Persons of Interest

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:00:10 GMT

Persons of Interest

P.A.
The sweetest dog EV-ER.
CatTwo
His Arlene
CatOne
Senior feline, our very own Garfield
Omega
My youngest child. Pretty, talkative and peppy. Puts the pink bunny to shame. Travels in a pack, usually with pompons.
Alpha
My starter child. Beautiful, tall, athletic with a mile-wide smile. Loves shoes as much as her mom does.
Homer
My first husband and probably my last. Fifty-one going on 14. Eagle scout and bit of a screw-loose.

Custom List: Email

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 22:08:33 GMT

jane dot fay at hotmail dot com

Custom List: Check this out

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 19:50:52 GMT

Check this out

Right Brain v Left Brain
The results may surprise you

Blog list: Places of Interest

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 19:32:48 GMT

Places of Interest

G
Taking one day at a time.
Jean
Nice lady who smokes chickens.
Lynn
What a survivor!
SAAM
Party mom!
Tressie Pooh
Her corner of life.
Shanna
From You-Tah!
BBB
BubblesBest
Frana
Very multi-talented.
SkRuMshZ
Aimee LOVES Kenny.
The Other Blonde
In the middle of America
MaDukes
Gets up WAY too early!
Steph
This Kitty's got cattitude.
Sleep Deprived Momma
Back to school and working hard!
Madge
Cake decorating Harley girl.
Bob
Only sometimes serious.
Meg
Very busy woman!
Joisey
The Observant One
Kat
The $hit magnet!
~weimiegirl~
Going to the dogs! :oP
Cindy
Humor amid chaos.

Custom List: The Old Place

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 18:38:37 GMT

The Old Place

Jane's First Place
Where I used to be before my commenter broke.